Thingamababy: Baby Patent History: Labor and Delivery by Centrifuge
…The mother is then spun around and around at a speed the gynecologist has predetermined will be sufficient to dislodge the infant (or as the patent states, “the fetus”). The apparent maximum g-force for the machine is 7.
The mother’s head is positioned at the center of the machine to reduce her head’s rotation, as if that will somehow make the experience more pleasurable. This also presumably concentrates as much puke as possible in and around the mother’s face, rather than having it flung outward toward hospital staff. Or maybe the circular fence acts as a shield.
…
When the infant is successfully ejected from the mother, a “pocket-shaped reception net” catches the infant. Don’t worry, the baby is cushioned by a “thick wad of cotton” in the net.
Furthermore, when the baby lands on the “cotton bed” inside the net, its weight exerts force on a switching plate which then turns off the centrifuge. The patent notes that the switching plate can also be configured to ring a bell at the same time.
Phbbbbbt! *ding!*
The
carniegynecologist then pulls a hand brake to quickly slow the mother’s rotation so that she can safely exit the ride.
Click through for illustrations!
What the h*!!? Where do you find this stuff? That is the most bizzare thing I’ve ever heard of!
I wonder if there will be a fast pass lane?